Lessons From the Other Side of Parenting

Lessons From the Other Side of Parenting: 

What I Wish I Knew From the Start


🧠 Realizing I’ve Become the “Older Dad”

This week, I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across a friend’s post—he was clearly frustrated with his 12-year-old son’s lack of responsibility. I started typing out a reply, and somewhere between the lines, I realized something surprising:

I’m now the “older dad.” The one with grown kids. The one who’s already walked the road from diapers to high school graduation.

And while I didn’t always get it right (far from it), I’ve learned a few things along the way—lessons I’d love to share with any parent who’s in the middle of the mess, wondering if they’re doing any of it right.

You only get to do this parenting thing once. Sometimes it feels endless, even overwhelming. But it’s a season that—when it’s gone—you’ll miss deeply. So here it is: the parenting wisdom I wish I had taken to heart from the beginning.

👶 Infant Stage: You Can’t Always Fix It


As a new dad, I wanted to solve every problem. If my baby cried, I immediately ran through a checklist: Hungry? Diaper? Tired? But when all those boxes were checked and the crying continued, I felt helpless.

What I didn’t realize then—and wish someone had told me—is that it’s okay not to be able to fix everything.

Sometimes, after doing all you can, the best thing for your baby and for you is to gently lay them in the crib, walk away for a few minutes, and reset.

Parenthood isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about showing up with love, presence, and patience—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

🧒 Toddler Stage: Loving Boundaries Matter



If you’ve ever been steamrolled by a toddler with the word “NO,” welcome to the club. This is the age where they begin testing everything—rules, limits, your patience.

And here’s the truth: how you respond matters.

You need to win these battles calmly, with consistency. Not with anger, and not by giving in to meltdowns. When a tantrum leads to a reward, that tantrum becomes a strategy.

But discipline isn’t about domination, it’s about teaching. Logical, age-appropriate consequences help kids connect their actions to outcomes.

My personal favorite? Making my son sort the unmatched sock pile. It wasn’t harsh, just annoying enough to make a point, and it gave us both time to cool off.

Discipline from a calm head leads to learning. Discipline from anger leads to resentment. Choose the former every time.

📚 Elementary Years: Embrace the Everyday


These years go fast—really fast. One day you’re dropping them off at kindergarten, the next they’re reading you bedtime stories.

Don’t let these years slip by unnoticed.

Get involved. Help with homework, coach a team, show up to their spelling bee—even if they don’t win. Build your connection while they’re still eager to include you.

Youth sports can be a great bonding opportunity, but be careful of the pressure to be the best. Emphasize effort, teamwork, and the joy of the game over trophies.

You’re not just shaping a student or an athlete—you’re shaping a human being who longs for your approval, your presence, and your pride.

🌱 Intermediate Years (Grades 5–6): Big Feelings, Big Growth



This stage sneaks up on you. Suddenly, your once-cheerful child is moody, withdrawn, or struggling socially. Hormones are shifting. Friendships are complicated. And their questions get deeper.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

They are still young enough to want and need you—but old enough to start forming their own identity.

Help them explore what they enjoy, and enter into it with them. Whether it’s drawing, gaming, or playing trombone in the school band—be there, cheer them on, and show interest. Find a new team to root for. Go Cougs!

This is also when they begin to question faith, church, and what it means to have a relationship with Christ. Their friends become central to their lives, and when friends fail them—as they sometimes do—help them lean on a faithful Friend in Jesus.

Your presence, your example, and your willingness to listen will guide them more than lectures ever could.

😬 Middle School Years:In the Thick of Growing up When Everything’s Rewiring


Between 6th and 9th grade, your child is caught in a beautiful and baffling in-between. They’re still young enough to want and need you, but old enough to start becoming their own person.

They’re “too cool” for everything one minute, and snuggled under a blanket the next. They go through awkward phases—socially, emotionally, physically. They sleep a lot, eat a lot, and sometimes push you away.

These years aren’t about perfect behavior. They’re about open communication. Let them know what’s expected, and what the consequences are. Then follow through with compassion.

Set screen time boundaries (I wish we had done better). Phones are great tools, but they’re also overwhelming for developing brains. Consider things like screen time limits, delayed access to apps like TikTok, and charging phones outside of bedrooms.

If I could do one thing over, I’d create a family “tech reset” policy from day one.

This is the time to lean in and help them explore who they are. Dive into their interests—whether it’s music, robotics, baking, or some trend that will be gone in a month. What matters most is you’re in it with them.

These years are also when many kids begin wrestling with deeper questions about faith, church, and their relationship with Christ. Their friendships start to hold huge influence, and as they face hurt or disappointment, it’s essential they know they can talk to their parents about anything, without fear of judgement.

Middle school is hard. Their brains are literally rewiring, and it shows. They’ll make irrational decisions, mess up in school, and be embarrassed to been seen with their parents. But underneath it all, they’re still your sweet kid, craving connection, and they desperately want to know they’re loved—no matter what.

If you're intentional, this is a golden time to make memories, grow your relationship, and help them anchor their identity in something deeper than popularity or performance. Go on hikes. Play board games. Sit down and just talk.

________________________________________________________________________________

🎓 High School Years: Build Before They Drift


High school moves fast—especially once they hit 16 and start driving, working, dating, and finding independence.

The trick is to invest before they drift.

Use the early teen years to talk deeply—about life, values, relationships, faith. Invite them into meaningful conversations. Let them see your struggles and your priorities.

It's important to show your kids what faith looks like, especially when it costs something. It's not easy for kids to choose their values and integrity in every situation. Being plugged in with other believers can be a good support system for teens. Encourage them to participate in youth group, camp, service projects, and church.

I’ve seen families pour thousands of dollars and countless weekends into youth sports chasing dreams of college scholarships or varsity stardom. But statistically? Very few make it that far. Of the members of my son’s AAU travel basketball team, only one played varsity in high school.

Invest in what lasts: faith, character, compassion.

Encourage your teens to try a variety of activities like band, drama, golf, even quirky hobbies. Cheer them on. Attend their games and performances. These are the moments they’ll remember.

💬 Conversations, Emotions, and the Power of Relationship


The best discipline strategy? Relationship.

Talk to your kids about everything, starting young. The goal isn’t to control them; it’s to help them process life and grow in wisdom.

When emotions run hot (and they will), take a step back. Your brain, when angry, isn’t built for rational thinking. Blood literally leaves your prefrontal cortex and heads to your muscles. It’s called an “amygdala hijack.”

Wait. Breathe. Eat. Sleep. Then revisit the issue.

Many parenting battles happen at night when everyone’s tired and hungry. Learn to pause, not suppress, but pause and return later when you’re both in a better headspace.

And remember: your kids are watching how you handle conflict, how you manage stress, how you treat others. That’s where the real lessons stick.

🤝 Model Service, Love Boldly, and Give Grace



Your kids won’t remember every lecture—but they’ll remember how you served.

Invite them into that life with you. Serve others. Talk about your values. Let them see why you make certain choices with money, time, and priorities.

Don’t say “no” just because you can. Give real reasons. Explain your boundaries. Let them have freedom when they’ve earned it, and reel it in when they haven’t.

You’re not raising rule-followers. You’re raising people who will need to navigate the world with wisdom, kindness, and discernment.

⏳ Final Thoughts: Time Is a Thief—So Be Intentional


If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I’d spend three hours laying all of this out—not to scare him, but to prepare him.

You get one shot at raising your kids. One.

So study their brains. Understand their stages. Love them hard. And steal time, as much as you can, before they’re grown and gone.

Because those little socks in the laundry basket?
One day, you’ll miss even those.

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